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Mojo Boots

mojo boots

Yesterday, I got me some mojo boots.

Leopard print, with a bad-ass heel.

They have soles that don’t slip in the Minnesota snow.

 

Score.

 

I walk a little prouder,

Talk a little louder—

Me, and my mojo boots.

 

My boyfriend says Lieutenant Uhuru had a similar pair on Star Trek—

Except hers were black, not leopard.

 

I will conquer the world in my mojo boots.

That new job will be mine—

My life will be fine.

I am almost 54, but that does not matter.

I got me some mojo boots.

 

I won’t be worrying about money,

Shopping at the dollar store.

I will have someone to clean my floors.

 

I will slide into middle age.

Unbridled.

Unabashed.

Unashamed.

Unafraid.

 

Best part?

Sears is going out of business and I got my mojo online for 15 bucks.

 

 

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Pariah

pariah

 

Low born,

Low caste, low class.

 

I appear better from afar—

I am all scars up close.

 

My songs, the hypnotic pulse of my kinai drums,

My magic sustained the king.

He used it, transformed it into his own power.

He called me from my forest nightly,

If you must know.

 

He took and took, but never touched the sapphire center of my soul.

After, I find my way home to the hamlet,

Sing by the crackling fire—

For the weavers, poets, goldsmiths and cobblers.

They feed me warm soup in a rough pewter bowl.

 

I am Pariah—

Disinherited daughter of the earth,

I am an untouchable, but not in the way you think.

 

 

 

She Will Not Be Missed

zelda

-For Zelda Fitzgerald

 

Hothouse orchid, an ingenue expired past her time,

A flourescent idea that outlived itself—

Clothing a bit too tight, makeup too bright in daylight.

 

She was a third-rate writer,

A third-rate ballet dancer.

She was a shitty mother, and an unfaithful wife

Until she took back her life—

And blew the greenhouse windows open wide.

 

On Saturday, she passed away,

Smoke clogging the asylum, the sprinklers awry.

She will face final judgment.

 

As if she wasn’t judged enough—

While she breathed curled spirals of cigarette smoke,

And laughed a little too loudly for everyone’s comfort.

 

As if she didn’t explode every bridge

She clicked across in stiff $300 shoes—

It wasn’t her fault.

 

Her laughter still cascades through the spray of marble fountains.

Over the crackled static of jazz

Under the watchful eyes of stern gargoyles.

The life cut short, but brilliant to see,

Dancing the last waltz in dreams.

Boys Will Be Boys

schs

I saw what I saw.

And I heard what I heard.

 

If you don’t like the truth,

You can always ignore or bully me.

That was always your modus operandi.

You girl, you will comply and agree.

 

But I saw it.

I saw you.

 

It was Halloween dress up day for school—

Wear a costume,

Pay 50 cents, the money goes to charity.

 

I saw a dozen Irish Catholic boys, dressed in white sheets and hoods.

Chasing their African American teammate down the hall.

 

Rodney, he was dressed as a sharecropper.

Then there was fire.

A lit cross.

I saw it implode.

 

But no one was suspended, or benched—

After all, boys will be boys.

And our football boys were the best in the state.

Can’t jeopardize that, can we?

 

I could have said something.

But I didn’t.

I was afraid.

Who was I to bring down the jock aristocracy?

Who was I to challenge the cheerleaders,

And the alumni donors?

 

Two of my best friends slept with football players at a keg party,

And spent two more years being ridiculed.

They wanted to fit in, be loved.

I bet their names are still in sharpie marker

On the bathroom wall, 30 years later.

 

My gay friend,

He got a perm and was stuffed in his own locker

All, in a 48-hour period.

He relented, let his hair go straight

And went to Brooks Brothers.

 

Boys will be boys.

Sweaty and hormonal,

Cruel pack.

This absence of decency

Obscene.

 

Rape culture.

Obscene.

 

 

Joyride

loop the loop

 

I’ve flown before, but never been the pilot.

 

Wedged into a small economy-class seat,

Eating tiny bags of salty peanuts,

Anesthetized from small plastic bottles of chardonnay in a plastic cup—

I regarded the clouds with indifference,

While the men in the cockpit dictated my safe ascent, and descent.

 

After three glasses of wine it hits me—

Cockpit.

A sealed control room of men.

I laugh sadly.

Don’t they let women fly?

 

I didn’t know what to expect when I boarded the plane.

I’ve flown before but never been the pilot.

 

It was time—

They didn’t see it coming.

It was wrong.

I knew it was wrong,

But I did it anyway.

 

It was easier than I thought.

I became a hijacker.

Once you cross that line,

There’s no changing your mind.

 

I didn’t know what to expect when I boarded the plane.

I’ve flown before but now I am the pilot.

 

I got that bird’s nose up,

Gasping at the exhilaration of the speed, the sudden lift.

I was not afraid of you, or them, or anyone—

Not even when they scrambled the fighter jets,

Not even when the air traffic controller tried to talk me down.

I swirled and circled,

Did loop the loops and barrel rolls.

 

Ladies, gentlemen, this is not an air show.

This is the real deal.

 

There were a lot of people that cared for me—

It’s going to disappoint them.

I apologize,

But I’m just a broken girl.

Got a few screws loose, I guess.

Never really knew it until now.

 

The fuel and the funds will run low,

But I recite poems aloud.

And know

The flight recorder captures every word.

 

They will be found.

Smoking, hissing, crackling,

Rising through the sunlit leaves—

Amidst the smoldering wreckage of my joyride.

 

A Gothic Poem

20180729_170714

 

Your blue leather-bound complete Shakespeare

Sits on the top shelf

Of the cherry wood bookcase in my new living room,

Far away from you, in the Midwest.

 

Far away from everyone.

 

You always wrote your name on the inside left cover of every book,

That distinct signature.

It was obliterated with black marker long ago

By an insecure now ex-husband.

 

I still know it was your book.

If I look closely, and turn the book just so to the light,

I still see your imprint in the cardboard,

Just not your writing, or your name.

 

He made me cut your image from every photo in my albums,

Goaded and dared me.

 

You have not forgotten him.

If you love me, you will do this.

 

As if slicing you from the sorority formal picture

Would dim my smile

Or make me forget.

 

It didn’t.

I still smile, just with a hole to the left of my head,

And your arm still curled round the shoulder of my pale blue dress.

 

But a hundred tiny heads of yours were thrown in with the cat litter,

And tossed down the trash chute of my first apartment.

 

What if I want to remember?

 

What he didn’t know is this.

 

You and I were studying for exams in the library—

1983, I think, and you got a paper cut.

I’d like to think it was from the Shakespeare, but I don’t recall.

 

You smeared the blood on a sheet in my spiral bound notebook,

And wrote, “My heart bleeds for you.”

 

I guess I saved it,

Because I just found it buried in my steamer trunk after all these years.

 

You are dead now,

But I do still have a piece of you—

Your DNA.

 

 

Darien 06820

darien

 

The place I thought always wanted,

The girl I always wanted to be—

Then worked 30 years to flee.

 

Plotting, ticking the days,

Until my small white fingers bled,

Scratching on the wainscot walls—

 

Metaphorically speaking, of course.

 

Be careful what you wish for.

 

Oh Darien, my 16-year old eyes found you perfect,

Almost divine.

Everyone went to perfect schools, had perfect clothing,

 

There was no worrying about mortgages,

Being a scholarship student.

Darien girls were not molested by their cousins,

Then forced to go, smiling into the world.

 

Your fathers wore blue blazers,

Khakis on the weekend, with golf shirts.

 

Darien, you had landscapers.

I had my father, mowing the lawn on his one day off.

I handed him a cold Budweiser in the can when he finished.

We tossed a ball in the yard,

Even though I was

Abysmal at sports.

 

He dressed for my prom dates,

For the obligatory Polaroids.

Still, not quite right.

Not Darien.

I smiled stiffly,

Too thin, too tan in my bargain dress.

 

I am sorry Daddy.

I was ashamed of you, the old car in the yard,

My small pink house,

And where I came from.

Stamford, the wrong side of the tracks.

 

Darien, you were clean, respectful–

So I thought.

I had to get to you somehow.

 

I did, but the cracks in the façade came, in time.

 

Loveless marriages,

The racism, overdoses,

Bulimia, domestic abuse,

Then the suicides—

All brushed under the plush Persian rugs.

The sunlight through the white French windows

Will never not shine on any of it.

The maids never whisper the truth.

 

Ever.

 

But I do,

Now.

 

My son,

You’ve outgrown it,

Taken all you can from Darien.

 

You no longer need it.

Get out while you can.